Grumpy

So yesterday. The short of it is that the thought-experiment activity went well. But other parts of lecture, specifically focusing on the assigned reading, belly-flopped. A plan for picking up the pieces and tackling again is in motion. As is reassessing how to move forward.

But given the disappointment, combined with frustration about job applications, networking (Cristy got schooled yesterday), program design and the ongoing crappy weather, I'm in a grumpy state.

One of the things that is hard at the moment is juggling being motivated and a self-starter with constant rejection or seeing cases where the same rules don't apply. I learned a couple of days ago that my replacement is someone who doesn't have the advertised requirements, leaving me feeling like I was doomed in the position from day 1. In addition, I found two messages in my inbox this morning that indicated I wasn't being considered for those positions. Add in having the furnace at our rental break not once, but twice due to lack of maintenance and it being very clear our landlord really isn't interested in doing more than the bare minimum for correcting the problem or dealing with the leaky oil fuel tank and it's hard not to feel like throwing in the towel.

So today is about allowing myself to feel grumpy for exact 20 more minutes. Then to get back in there with job applications, preparing for Friday discussion, solidifying curriculum and bugging my network.

Because one lesson infertility taught me is that the only one who is going to find the road forward in all this craziness is me. And it doesn't matter if those outside looking in approve of if or not.