Sunday, October 15, 2017

Love and light

It started in the most innocent of manners. The Beats asked to see the box I keep on top of my dresser, filled with memories from their time in NICU and from before. Their bracelets, the smallest blood-pressure cuffs one can imagine, onies marked size "P" which barely fit She-Beat's doll and the pictures of them from the ultrasound scans.

It was as we were looking through the pictures we came the ones of them as embryos. Of the Beats from Jan 2, 2013, but also of the first one: The one of them all together.

Today is October 15th: Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day. Part of October being Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Tonight at 7 pm is the Wave of Light. There was a time in the ALI community where this night would be filled with posts, remember those precious children we lost too soon. Today it seems quiet. Or maybe it's just quiet in my corner.

Still, today I've been remembering. Allowing myself to feel that sadness that once consumed my every waking minute. And tonight Grey and I will once again light candles in remembrance of our precious 7 we didn't get to hold. In remembrance of those babies our friends lost too soon.

Sending love out to this community tonight. May you all feel wrapped in love and light


  1. Thanks for this lovely wish. Such an image can bring up so much. Fascinating to gaze on!

  2. Love and light to you as well. Every year we celebrate my daughter's transfer day and show her the very first picture we have of her, as an embryo. I usually fold the paper so we can focus on only her but the others are there, the ones we lost, and it is a bittersweet moment as we celebrate one beginning and our babies who were never to be.

  3. This is beautiful. I saw posts about it on Facebook, but this year I didn't want to delve into it too much myself. I never stop thinking about those embryos that didn't make it, and I love the idea of honoring all the possibilities lost on this day, but this year it's just too much. Thanks for a gorgeous post on remembrance and loss, and the beautiful juxtaposition of the curiosity of your babylings that made it into existence.


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