Sensitizing

In December 2012, Grey and I took a much overdue vacation to Las Vegas. I didn't write a post about the trip given it wasn't terrible stellar (though Hover Dam was awesome!!), but there was a moment that has stayed with me. A moment I've remember vividly since the news about Las Vegas yesterday morning.

As part of the trip, Grey decided to surprise me by booking a room at the Bellagio. Not just any room, but one with a view of the fountain. After checking in, taking a much needed nap and getting some food, we came back to the room with the intention of relaxing prior to some sight-seeing the following morning.

As Grey went to shower, I found myself staring at the fountain. A few moments later, music timed for the fountain show began to flow into the room. And it was then that I grabbed a bottle of champagne, pulled up one of the chairs in the room in front of the window and parked myself for the next couple of hours, watching the fountain performance again and again.

For the past two days, as the media focused on all aspects of this mass shooting, I've had memories of the calm and peace that was in my heart as I watched that fountain. Of something that brought me joy as I was facing so much uncertainty and trying to will myself to have hope.

And it makes me angry and sad to know that though so many have died and suffered footsteps away from this structure that brought peace to my heart when I needed it most. To know that despite a few well-meaning tweets, nothing is really going to change to prevent something like this again. Not without turning everything else on its head.

Las Vegas isn't my favorite place in the world. There are so many other places I can name off the top of my head that I would rather spend my time at. But just because it's not my favorite place doesn't mean I don't wish this tragedy didn't happen. That the shootings in general didn't stop. That we weren't becoming so numb to this violence.