Friday, October 6, 2017

Final preparations

CAPRICORN HOROSCOPE (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) ~ by Jessica Lanyadoo @ The Hoodwitch
You can’t please all of the people al of the time, and trying to is a fools errand. Emotions are running high this week, and if you get too caught up in what you think other people are saying, thinking, or doing, you’ll lose track of what’s really happening for you. Stay centered within your own feels, and make sure your actions are in accord with your integrity. You’re not in control of much, but what you give your attention to is always at your own discretion, my love.
One of my weaknesses is that I'm a people pleaser. It's a survival mechanism I developed at a young age that seemed to serve me well throughout my youth, with me pleasing the adults around me and being rewarded.

As an adult, though, this tendency to please has really bitten me in the butt. I find myself often caving to strong personalities or those in positions of power in an effort to keep the peace and have been overly concerned about how others see me in the world as I don't like being on the outs. It's because of this that I struggle with setting boundaries, often feeling like I'm being minimized or used when conflicts arise and often feeling spent in the process. I've lost count of the number of times where I would have benefitted everyone if I had swallowed my fear of disappointing someone and instead spoke my mind or defended my points or observations.

The hardest part of being a people pleaser has been dealing with strong personalities and those who are use to getting their way. Engaging with people who are use to battling (and even thrive off of it) is extremely difficult as it doesn't take much for boundaries to be crossed. There's also a sense of competence that comes from those who are able to defend their points of view. I've been in situations where the person arguing has been flat-out, factually wrong or is just being an asshole and yet struggled to defend myself or bring the facts to light. In my world, it can make the difference between being taken seriously or shown the door.

My horoscope this week has been a potent reminder of this as I'm meeting today about material I will be presenting in a couple of weeks. The final lectures for my current position. Already, I'm getting push back and different opinions on the material I've selected and where to focus. But underlying all of this preparation is a sense of whether I'm competent enough to actually deliver this information. A feeling that my failure would somehow be a validation for the sudden decision to not renew my contract.

The past 24 hours have really brought all of this to a head. After an emotional morning with the Beats' evaluations (on an aside, they really worked very hard and I'm proud of them), my day only got harder following some phone calls and discussions where it became clear that I'm the one developing programs and designing curriculum. Things are falling squarely on my shoulders and people are watching to see if I can step up to the challenge. The final icing on the cake was hitting dinner time and realizing that only Daisy was in the house and ready to eat. Sitting outside and knowing it was fruitless to go hunting for Jaxson (I've never found a cat that wasn't ready to come home on their own accord), I faced being powerless for what felt like the 50th time that day. When Jaxson reappeared an hour later (and has now been grounded until death), I reread my horoscope and knew what I could control is what I chose to focus on.

So that's where I'm at this morning. Pushing aside any thought about what others think of me. Sure, I don't know every minute detail into various processes, but honestly that's not the point going forward. I have to start trusting myself and assuming that some level of conflict can be resolved as long as I do so. Because I cannot please everyone. Some people seem damn content to be angry that I'm even breathing. But what I can and should do is be true to myself. That's all that really matters in the end.

4 comments:

  1. Yes, this: "But what I can and should do is be true to myself. That's all that really matters in the end." I get the people pleasing thing. And I am so sorry that people are dropping everything on you and it feels like they're just pissed you exist. That beyond sucks. Have you been watching Justine's youtube series on boundaries and people pleasing, and going to empty wells (my top personal failing)? I thought of that IMMEDIATELY when reading your post. I hope it gets better. I hope you can keep being true to yourself, for you are strong, and amazing, and resilient.

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  2. Unfuckwithable-(adj.) when you’re truly at peace and in touch with yourself, and nothing anyone says or does bothers you, and no negativity or drama can touch you.

    Above is what I strive for every day. Usually I fall short, but I do try.

    Be true to yourself. Always. You are enough.

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  3. Ahhh...you're dealing with so much on so many fronts.

    You know, blogging is something that really helped me to know when I should stand my ground, and that I CAN stand my ground. The experience of being publicly ridiculed by people who didn't know squat about my topic, and me standing firm and tall during it, well that has helped me also in my non-writing expression.

    Still, I struggle there, though. FWIW, I see you as someone who is SO intelligent, wise, confident, and should be listened to. I feel that not to heed any advice you give me would be at my own peril.

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  4. I'm a Capricorn too... no wonder so many of your posts resonate! ;) People-pleasing & letting others walk all over me is a weakness of mine too. I've gotten a bit better at standing up for myself as I've aged, but it's still hard. Being aware is the first step to changing behaviour, though. Hang in there!

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